Posted in devotion, discipleship, encouragement, just a thought

so easy to miss…..

I love my son ~ deeply and profoundly and I treasure our conversations….  

I contemplate his words, I am fascinated by his brilliant mind, I am endeared by his tender heart and I am nearly undone by his vulnerability…

He has challenged and enlightened me.  And just when I think I know him, He says somethings deep or challenging or unexpected,  but something that simply reveals a piece of him I hadn’t even realized was there …

And I find pure joy just knowing that I now know him a little bit more…

What a tragic loss if I had never really known him ~ if there had not actually been a relationship. What regret if one day I realized that my time with my son had been limited to concerns with behavior and tasks and accomplishments ~ merely desiring his acquisition of knowledge and obedience to rules, unaware of his lack of understanding….

Maybe the difference isn’t as obvious as I think it is  ~ but I think it’s everything….

Because I think that ‘knowledge’ is useless data without understanding ~ and I think teaching rules without reason is short-sighted and will not endure when tested.

And I think that it requires so much more effort to establish a relationship (as in KNOW HIM, feel his pain that no one else sees, know his fears, and hear His heart)

And I can’t help but see a connection…

What comes to mind when someone says “I really need to try to read my Bible…   or pray…”

or when I feel like the focus of a passage is reduced to “how does this apply to me?”

Something is missing ~ and it’s called “relationship”

Not ONCE in his life did my son come to me to “hear his daily input” and move on…

Nor has he gone days without letting me talk to him

Nor has he ever poured out his heart and then walked away without waiting for a response

My heart pounds with the desire to communicate this truth

God’s word is for me, but it’s about God ~ because He wants me to know Him 

So when I open His word I want to listen…

to contemplate His words and be awed by His infinite mind, to be overwhelmed by His merciful love and undone by MY vulnerability…..

I want to learn and gain understanding so that just when I think I know Him…
He reveals something deep or profound, convicting or comforting or so awe-inspiring that it challenges my inner most being

so I can know pure joy simply because I know that I know Him just a little more ~ and from this, my heart overflows in response and I am transformed…

And what a tragic loss if I don’t seek to know Him ~ if i don’t understand that the God of the universe wants a relationship with me ~ what regret if I my time with my God is  limited to concerns of tasks or merely seeking to acquire knowledge and rules blissfully unaware of my lack of understanding….

I did indeed seek to educate my son, we set boundaries and had rules ~ and I promise, his behavior mattered ~ but without understanding, without relationship what real impact could I have hoped for?  And how sad!  Oh the blessings I would have missed…

It would be so easy to miss, but He wants me to know Him, to have a relationship Him, a relationship that requires submission and surrender, a relationship that provides power and has purpose…


a relationship….

Posted in discipleship, encouragement

not my problem…

that’s not my problem

nothing about that sounds good to me ~ rude, indifferent, uncaring, selfish, wrong…..

but sometimes it is just plain true

For 25 years I did my best to teach and train and guide and prepare four amazing children to be independent, well adjusted, Christ following adults, and although they’re now grown, certain instincts remains ~

The Mama Bear in me still wants to keep them from harm, spare them the frustration of living with poor choices, direct them through the tricky roads of “real life” relationships that come with jobs and bosses or future spouses ~ even their financial decisions can get my wheels spinning  ~ still desiring that they learn from the roads I’ve traveled and hard lessons I’ve learned.

Fair and reasonable concerns and desires ~ unless I tie them to a false sense of responsibility.

I think I have spent their entire lives watching for signs of how they are doing, indications of the lessons sinking in, evidence of preparedness ~ are they ready?!  Letting them go seems like the mother of all tests is before me and I am absolutely terrified at times.  How did I do? Did I miss something?  Will my shortcomings be the root of their struggles?  How will I live with that?  Is there any last minute lesson I can drive home?

OK ~ maybe a little crazy ~ but I also remember this ~

The choices before them are not mine to make, the challenging relationships are not for me to nourish or mend, what God has given them is not for me to steward.  These things are not my problem, and they shouldn’t be.  Not that I am unconcerned, simply that the outcome is not for me to secure.

God entrusted these kids to me for a season, to do what I have done.  Train them in what I have learned, show them what I know, and introduce them to the One to whom they truly belong.  I am finding that it is easy to say, but sometimes hard to live this Truth ~ they aren’t really mine, and they never really were.

I am living in a season of many transitions ~ my life right now is characterized by profound change.  The newness and importance in all of these converge to stimulate my already over-active problems-solving brain.  ~ and this is where things can get muddy, where I can begin to try to take on those things that aren’t mine to take on.

So sometimes I have to ask “Is this my problem?”  Such a blunt thing to say, but it helps me test my thinking ~ and often Truth reveals, “this is not my problem”, or more kindly put ~this is no longer my role ~ and that’s OK, liberating actually!

I may be out of sorts in this new season, but it’s not because I am “out of purpose” ~ and if I keep my heart surrendered to Christ and my role straight in my mind, I might just find out what that is 😉

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  Titus 2:3-5

Posted in encouragement, poems

my littles are big!

IMG_0001my littles are big
but only moments ago
I nestled them under my chin
my littles are big
but just yesterday
I marveled at their first grin

the days flew by
though I tried to hold tight
and treasure each mark as they grew
these sweet moments in life 
I can honestly say
from the beginning I always knew

to love every moment
even long, tired days
of laundry and homework
the joy with the pain

my little are big!
and OH how I miss
those soft little cheeks
messy hands
sticky kiss

but my little ARE big
and what a blessing I know
to see who they’ve become
as I’ve watched them grow

A bittersweet gift to long for those days
only missing them because
I had them
so I will remember, but live here and now
because I still know now
what I knew then

to treasure these gifts
don’t lose sight in the crazy
of all that comes with what we’re given
enjoy beauty in chaos and never forget
to treasure these slices of heaven

my littles are big and now moving on
having littles of their own
and oh what a treasure
soft cheeks, sticky kisses
this grammy is grateful to know

There are times I am almost completely overwhelmed by what I miss, but then I have no choice but to realize the irony, I couldn’t long to return to something I’d never had.  To have had such a treasure, to have been able to have that season of life, was such an overwhelming gift ~ a gift I always knew was just for a season ~I find that I find deeper understanding to this whole idea of “bittersweet”  ❤

If you are in the crazy fun days of little kids, little sleep and lots of stuff to do, just hang on tight, don’t lose the love under the pile of laundry, it will all be behind you all too soon!!  But no worries, if you keep looking, new treasures are likely just around the corner!

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change”  James 1:17