that’s not my problem
nothing about that sounds good to me ~ rude, indifferent, uncaring, selfish, wrong…..
but sometimes it is just plain true
For 25 years I did my best to teach and train and guide and prepare four amazing children to be independent, well adjusted, Christ following adults, and although they’re now grown, certain instincts remains ~
The Mama Bear in me still wants to keep them from harm, spare them the frustration of living with poor choices, direct them through the tricky roads of “real life” relationships that come with jobs and bosses or future spouses ~ even their financial decisions can get my wheels spinning ~ still desiring that they learn from the roads I’ve traveled and hard lessons I’ve learned.
Fair and reasonable concerns and desires ~ unless I tie them to a false sense of responsibility.
I think I have spent their entire lives watching for signs of how they are doing, indications of the lessons sinking in, evidence of preparedness ~ are they ready?! Letting them go seems like the mother of all tests is before me and I am absolutely terrified at times. How did I do? Did I miss something? Will my shortcomings be the root of their struggles? How will I live with that? Is there any last minute lesson I can drive home?
OK ~ maybe a little crazy ~ but I also remember this ~
The choices before them are not mine to make, the challenging relationships are not for me to nourish or mend, what God has given them is not for me to steward. These things are not my problem, and they shouldn’t be. Not that I am unconcerned, simply that the outcome is not for me to secure.
God entrusted these kids to me for a season, to do what I have done. Train them in what I have learned, show them what I know, and introduce them to the One to whom they truly belong. I am finding that it is easy to say, but sometimes hard to live this Truth ~ they aren’t really mine, and they never really were.
I am living in a season of many transitions ~ my life right now is characterized by profound change. The newness and importance in all of these converge to stimulate my already over-active problems-solving brain. ~ and this is where things can get muddy, where I can begin to try to take on those things that aren’t mine to take on.
So sometimes I have to ask “Is this my problem?” Such a blunt thing to say, but it helps me test my thinking ~ and often Truth reveals, “this is not my problem”, or more kindly put ~this is no longer my role ~ and that’s OK, liberating actually!
I may be out of sorts in this new season, but it’s not because I am “out of purpose” ~ and if I keep my heart surrendered to Christ and my role straight in my mind, I might just find out what that is 😉
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Titus 2:3-5