Posted in discipleship, encouragement

not my problem…

that’s not my problem

nothing about that sounds good to me ~ rude, indifferent, uncaring, selfish, wrong…..

but sometimes it is just plain true

For 25 years I did my best to teach and train and guide and prepare four amazing children to be independent, well adjusted, Christ following adults, and although they’re now grown, certain instincts remains ~

The Mama Bear in me still wants to keep them from harm, spare them the frustration of living with poor choices, direct them through the tricky roads of “real life” relationships that come with jobs and bosses or future spouses ~ even their financial decisions can get my wheels spinning  ~ still desiring that they learn from the roads I’ve traveled and hard lessons I’ve learned.

Fair and reasonable concerns and desires ~ unless I tie them to a false sense of responsibility.

I think I have spent their entire lives watching for signs of how they are doing, indications of the lessons sinking in, evidence of preparedness ~ are they ready?!  Letting them go seems like the mother of all tests is before me and I am absolutely terrified at times.  How did I do? Did I miss something?  Will my shortcomings be the root of their struggles?  How will I live with that?  Is there any last minute lesson I can drive home?

OK ~ maybe a little crazy ~ but I also remember this ~

The choices before them are not mine to make, the challenging relationships are not for me to nourish or mend, what God has given them is not for me to steward.  These things are not my problem, and they shouldn’t be.  Not that I am unconcerned, simply that the outcome is not for me to secure.

God entrusted these kids to me for a season, to do what I have done.  Train them in what I have learned, show them what I know, and introduce them to the One to whom they truly belong.  I am finding that it is easy to say, but sometimes hard to live this Truth ~ they aren’t really mine, and they never really were.

I am living in a season of many transitions ~ my life right now is characterized by profound change.  The newness and importance in all of these converge to stimulate my already over-active problems-solving brain.  ~ and this is where things can get muddy, where I can begin to try to take on those things that aren’t mine to take on.

So sometimes I have to ask “Is this my problem?”  Such a blunt thing to say, but it helps me test my thinking ~ and often Truth reveals, “this is not my problem”, or more kindly put ~this is no longer my role ~ and that’s OK, liberating actually!

I may be out of sorts in this new season, but it’s not because I am “out of purpose” ~ and if I keep my heart surrendered to Christ and my role straight in my mind, I might just find out what that is 😉

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  Titus 2:3-5

Posted in encouragement, poems

my littles are big!

IMG_0001my littles are big
but only moments ago
I nestled them under my chin
my littles are big
but just yesterday
I marveled at their first grin

the days flew by
though I tried to hold tight
and treasure each mark as they grew
these sweet moments in life 
I can honestly say
from the beginning I always knew

to love every moment
even long, tired days
of laundry and homework
the joy with the pain

my little are big!
and OH how I miss
those soft little cheeks
messy hands
sticky kiss

but my little ARE big
and what a blessing I know
to see who they’ve become
as I’ve watched them grow

A bittersweet gift to long for those days
only missing them because
I had them
so I will remember, but live here and now
because I still know now
what I knew then

to treasure these gifts
don’t lose sight in the crazy
of all that comes with what we’re given
enjoy beauty in chaos and never forget
to treasure these slices of heaven

my littles are big and now moving on
having littles of their own
and oh what a treasure
soft cheeks, sticky kisses
this grammy is grateful to know

There are times I am almost completely overwhelmed by what I miss, but then I have no choice but to realize the irony, I couldn’t long to return to something I’d never had.  To have had such a treasure, to have been able to have that season of life, was such an overwhelming gift ~ a gift I always knew was just for a season ~I find that I find deeper understanding to this whole idea of “bittersweet”  ❤

If you are in the crazy fun days of little kids, little sleep and lots of stuff to do, just hang on tight, don’t lose the love under the pile of laundry, it will all be behind you all too soon!!  But no worries, if you keep looking, new treasures are likely just around the corner!

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change”  James 1:17

Posted in poems

no end…

there is no end to the string of pain
that those i love endure
health and finance, bad choices and strife
one ends, but then there’s more

there is no end to the suffering
illness, even loss of life
lies, betrayal, selfish ways
cruel men who leave their wife

there is no end to the poverty
and corruption as this world decays
no end to hate and anger
no end to those going astray 

           unless you know

there is no end to my Father’s love
of the pain He feels for me
no end to the mercy and grace He gave
when HIs Son was nailed to that tree

there will be no end to our joy and  wonder
when He takes away our tears
when we join Him in eternity
when it’s forever, not just years

no end to the glorious worship of
the One who gave me life
so knowing this I’ll live this day
with peace, even joy, amidst strife

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”     Philippians 4:7

We live in a world corrupted by sin, ensnared by its power, broken by its lies ~ but, though through one man sin was brought in to this world, through another, it and death have been defeated. “For God so loved this world, He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life”  John 3:16

there is no end to my fellowship with God because I am His in Christ

there is no end to suffering and separation from God if I were not